Navigating Differences in Relationship

Mental Health

Jun 18

Leading with Empathy and Boundaries in a Stressful Time

We’re living in an era where headlines feel relentlessly urgent. Each day seems to deliver more unsettling news, casting long shadows over every corner of society and adding to a growing sense of collective anxiety. Within intimate relationships, navigating conversations about these issues can feel fraught — especially when one partner’s sense of responsibility to stay informed meets another partner’s need for a self-imposed media blackout.

Many couples find themselves caught in a push-pull dynamic: one endlessly refreshing news feeds, while the other seeks refuge in hikes, neighbors, and offline moments of peace. These differences can create friction, leaving one person feeling isolated in their worry and the other overwhelmed by the constant need to process it all aloud.

So how do we hold these difficult conversations without eroding the relational safety and connection we deeply value? The answer lies in a careful balance of empathy and boundaries — both for ourselves and for our partners.

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Empathy: Leading with Curiosity, Not Assumption

Empathy isn’t about agreement; it’s about understanding. When conversations become charged, it’s easy to project assumptions onto our partner: They don’t care as much as I do or They’re just avoiding reality. But empathy asks us to pause and wonder, What might be going on for them beneath the surface?

For some, constant news consumption triggers anxiety, helplessness, or anger, leading to reactive, all-or-nothing thinking. For others, avoidance is a survival strategy — a way to preserve mental health and stay functional. Neither response is inherently right or wrong. They’re simply different ways of coping with an overwhelming world.

Before diving into a tough conversation, consider using the Gottmans’ concept of a soft startup. Begin by asking, “Is now a good time to talk about something that’s been on my mind about _____?” If the answer is no, honor that boundary. If it’s yes, approach with curiosity rather than accusation: “How are you feeling about everything happening right now?” instead of “Can you believe what just happened?”

You might also consider setting a timer. Both of you are more likely to stay engaged — and want to revisit the conversation later — if it doesn’t spiral into an open-ended venting session that leaves you drained or running late.

When both partners feel emotionally safe, they’re far more likely to engage openly and compassionately.

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Boundaries: Containing and Protecting the Self

Renowned clinician Pia Mellody offers a helpful framework for understanding boundaries in relationships, distinguishing between internal containing boundaries and external protective boundaries.

• Internal Containing Boundary:

This helps us manage what, when, and how we share. In politically charged times, it’s tempting to offload fears and outrage onto our partner without considering their capacity in the moment or the potential impact of our words. Practicing containment might mean pausing to ask ourselves: Is this the right time? Does my partner have the bandwidth for this? Could I process some of this with a friend or therapist first?

• External Protective Boundary:

This boundary guards against incoming energy that feels intrusive or overwhelming. If your partner tends to process their anxiety by constantly sharing updates or venting, it’s both okay — and healthy — to set a loving boundary. You might say, “I care about what you’re feeling, and I also need to take a break from the news tonight so I can be present with you.”

Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re agreements that protect the relationship by honoring each person’s limits. Setting boundaries isn’t about controlling your partner’s behavior; it’s about being vulnerable enough to share your own needs — and clarifying what you might need to do to care for yourself if those needs aren’t met.

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Moving Forward Together

Ultimately, a relationship thrives not on identical worldviews or coping strategies, but on mutual respect, emotional attunement, and the willingness to navigate differences with care. In a polarized, high-stakes moment like this one, couples have a unique opportunity to model something our broader culture often struggles with: staying connected in the face of disagreement, practicing empathy across differences, and setting healthy boundaries that protect both the individual and the relationship.

By leading with empathy and honoring both internal and external boundaries, couples can remain each other’s refuge — rather than becoming yet another source of exhaustion and uncertainty.

Heidi F. Yoder is an LMFT in Rockridge helping Couples and Individuals navigate complex emotional terrain with compassion and clarity.